REAL WOMAN, REAL ISSUES: Do I Look Fat? and A Hijab Question

Hello readers!

Welcome to the our first weekly post where we will write about real women, real issues. It is done with a boldness, my most sincerity, fun(I hope) and sensitivity.

This week I chose to digest a common question we have been or have asked: Do I Look Fat?

Ever been in that situation where you are with a friend or you turn to your husband and ask 'Do I look Fat?" Well, sometimes the answer is obvious and sometimes out of sensitivity(the husbands know better if they plan to eat dinner) and norm we answer, "NO" 

What is really behind this question? Insecurity? I am no phsych doctor(otherwise, I would have already fixed-up a lot of people in my life. Well, at least tried..), but it is in my personal view a mental conditioning that probably started when we were young with things such as commentary from our female counterparts, magazines, TV and so on. All shaping our mind expecting to look in a certain way and somehow we came to be conditioned to meet certain society expectations.  The answer to that question during a certain time(getting ready to go out or head out to an event) can either dictate our mood for the rest of the night or send all our clothes flying around our room until we find and in some occasions wind up wearing the same clothing item we started with. If your friend doesn't want to deal with your melodrama, that answer will be a quick 'NO!' What is it about this particular question that stresses some of us out of our heads? Is it really about not feeling happy with ourselves or our hard efforts to please others?

Now, a bit boldness, Yes! the answer is yes sometimes(I can see your rolls, you can see your rolls). But, it gets even crazier when your friend who is thinner then you asks the same question. This is when you say, 'Hold up! we know we got to sit and talk about it'. All these crazy contradictions just points to one thing. It's in our heads and somewhere within ourselves, we are uncomfortable in our skins! How can we be fine with our weight all week except for one night? Only another woman can understand that, by the way. Some of us truly feel we constantly need to loose weight specially when you have fit friends always reminding you with their one arm push-ups(Sorry, I got one of those). And there are definitely those continuously struggling to loose weight for the healthy reasons, but many of us have or are not on the right reasons(could possibly contribute to the self-conscious question of 'Do I Look Fat?') and we buy into the hype of having a bodacious celebrity body(Do you know how many people it takes to keep these people looking at there best? A team! So, unless you want to assign different job assignments to people in your family, this is not a very realistic goal for the everyday working woman). These are some dead end reasons that will probably motivate you to loose weight and will, but leave you with deeper unresolved emotional issues at times. Why aim to be like another creation? The goal should be to feel comfortable with your own created self, personal but realistic expectations of yourself along with your skin. This doesn't mean to let yo'self go and use the played-out excuse of 'You don't have the right to judge me' No! It means that you love yourself enough to keep yourself at your best and best is all you can be. People can either take it or leave it. 

If you truly feel uncomfortable with your body(although most of the people don't even have clue that you are unless you tell them or ask thee question) do something healthy about it during the days of the week you feel comfortable with it .So, when the day that you get all dolled up, you make a statement, not ask a question. And of course never attempt to make your ultimate goal to look good for someone else(we humans are quite deceitful...unless it is a husband and wife kinda of thing) or to fit into any type of stereotype least vanity. Own yourself. It is the right of our bodies to at least try to keep it healthy and be content with it. Loosing weight is a struggle as any struggle we have in our religion. It takes supplications, determination, mental and physical training along with support to get out of our comfort zone. Don't look to others look to yourself. Some people overweight is truly an illness that can't be beaten, but to others it is an overindulgence of the things in this life. 

What are you thoughts on this question?

Question Section

I just started wearing hijab and now I want to wear more modest clothing, where do I start?

Hijab(referring to the covering from head to toe) is a whole journey in itself. It may last a lifetime for some and for others it is very easily adapted within a short period of time. Now, maintaining our hijab could also be a journey in itself too. Covering ones hair is probably one of the hardest steps because it is a big visual, but once accomplished, all other things can fall into place a lot easier at times. My recommendation would be to first of course make supplication to Allah SWT to make it easy, learn about the thing you are trying to change(take it step by step by getting mastering each step) and the reasons behind it. This can be done by learning from examples of the women that lived around the time of our Prophet SAW, which are the examples that should be encouraging us. Once you have prepared your heart and mind and are ready to show it outwardly, just do it! But, if you feel self-conscious about it, try wearing the item(it could be simply the tunic, skirt, long sleeves or abaya. Tackle one item at the time) of change to familiar places such as a sisters or all women gathering. The mosque is another familiar place. And remember no one can hear inside your head except yourself.

Love,

Sadeel

Stay tuned to next week's question: For reverts/converts, how do I introduce Muslim modest attire around my family?

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