25 Things You Need To Know Before You Marry or if You are Married

 These are some very helpful tips if you are thinking about marriage and a very good refresh if you are married. They come from my notes from online lecture series called "Finding Your Soul in Your Soul Mate" given by scholar Amina Sayeed, wife of Sheikh Hussain Abdul Sattar and director from Salihah Central.

1. Every Husband has its cons and pearls.

2. We marry to this person to work for Allah SWT.

3. Serving our husband is so pleasing to Allah SWT.

4. A marriage is a door and elevator to get closer to your Lord.

5.Marriage is work and a long-term relationship. Why? Because we can gain so many levels to Allah SWT.

6. Have the right intention with Allah SWT before you move into all other relationships otherwise all will be catastrophic.

7. It takes a very strong person to step away from a relationship and figure out why this person is one's life and figure out if it's getting one closer to Allah SWT and find creative ways to do so.

8.Being strong in a relationship is being submissive to Allah SWT. 

9. Take advantage to make your husband happy.

10. Always give your husband respect. If you or the family doesn't then who will? Allah SWT never put a disclaimer whether they are good or not. Allah SWT gave them a special rank and arguing with them is arguing with Allah SWT.  

11. You have to know when to be a team player and a follower.

12. When we accept their role that Allah SWT gave them, Allah SWT will give us so much compassion.

13. We have to look our marriage relationship as an opportunity to use our spouse to please and work for Allah SWT.

14. Our spouse is not our little brother and we don't talk like that to them. He is not someone who we boss around because he has a natural compassion towards us. This will last temporarily. We have to remember that this spouse is a human being and he has his likes and dislikes, family, friends before you. Their world doesn't revolve around you. Always be delicately formal. Like when he comes in the door, say how are you? How was your day? When you treat them like this, they will feel like the kings of kings or like they just walked into Jannah(heaven).

15. Our efforts with our husbands are not to just be happy but to work for Allah SWT in hope that Allah SWT will return the reward we have been promised and if we make our goal just to make him happy, then Allah SWT will say, "Live for your husband" and if you have done it for Allah SWT, He will say, "Look all I have prepared for you"

16. Remember when he is selfish, obnoxious or harsh that Allah SWT placed him in your care, to love, to forgive, to care for. Rememeber all the times he was loving, caring of you. It is unfair for the person to be always in a hole and being judge for the bad situations and as women, we tend to forget all the good times. So be fair.

17.Remember that he is coming to you out of all the people for peace, tranquility and love.

18. Always find the good in everything. If you can't, then train yourself or force yourself to say Alhamdulilah and see the good.

19. Do you have the gift to read between the lines? Then you must  know that angry outbursts mean, "I miss you" "I feel neglected or ignored" So respond to what is meant not to what is said.

20. When we are too focused on what we are feeling, it is hard to be there for someone else.

21. If you see your husband is in a bad mood or mad, show some compassion because may its not you or sometimes they don't know themselves why they are mad. This is an easy way to wipe that away. Don't get in a bad mood like them because that is only feeding fire with fire.

22. Make your husband feel like a King and proud.

23. Remember that when you have fight or argument, that Allah SWT asked you to say what is best, not what is fair or what is right. Don't count your rights.

24. Our rights is a protection from Allah SWT, but we can't live in a marriage like this, live in a caring, giving and loving way.

25. When an argument arises, step back until it dies down.  Drink water or sit down for a bit. It is not about our rights at that moment, its about calming down the situation.

Q: How do you forget the past?: If Allah SWT can forgive others, we can do it. If we don't who do we think we are? Also, if we don't, then Allah SWT may not forgive our faults and that is not a position we would want to be in.

Stay tune for the next series......

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